Q&A

Day 29 of Inkhaven: 30 Days of Posts

1. If you had more money and attention than you could possibly want, which of the things you currently do would you immediately stop, and after a long stretch of that satiated state, what would you actually choose to do to be useful?

I would probably start a research organisation, aimed at hiring the most talented people that I could find and trying to point them at the most important questions in the field of AI safety.

I don't think I have the technical research experience to actually provide senior research direction, but I think I am unusually good at spotting talent, and at identifying strategic bottlenecks. I want to scale this, but I don't quite know how to spin the specific research focus question. I think that doing this would be the most helpful thing that I could do for the world.

2. If a stranger watched only how you spent the last month — no explanations allowed — what would they say your real priorities are?

They would say based on my activities during Inkhaven: doing technical empirical research, exploring my own feelings and inner world, and developing relationships with other people, and they'd likely also say there's something strongly driving me to take a break.

3. What "I would be ___ if only ___" story have you been telling yourself, and what would you have to face if you admitted it isn't true?

I think the story that I would be a better researcher if only I worked harder, or something along these lines. Or if only I was smarter I could be more successful. I think it's an easy trap to chalk up outcomes to these really hard-to-change qualities. In practice I think it comes down much more to specific choices and also being committed to specific values and causes.

It's also important to think about what projects to invest in, and to think a great deal about what the downstream consequences will be. It's also the investments I didn't make. Not taking that time off to go and think hard about things for a long time. Not taking that leap of faith earlier. Not applying to that thing. Those are things that are much easier to change, but require real thinking and commitment and effort in that moment.

It's hard to admit that I made those bad decisions. But it's also liberating to realise that my life outcomes are really within my control. Because that means that if I make better decisions going forward, my life will probably become a lot better.

4. What "normal" comforts in your life are you unwilling to give up — and does that tell you you don't actually want the extreme result you claim to want?

I think having the comfort of an unstructured day, and allowing myself to kind of meander from thing to thing. Currently I can get away with this, but given the level of my ambitions it's kind of impossible to reach those heights without deciding that I have to have more structure.

Partially it's hard to make deals with myself where I feel satisfied and know that I will get to relax and do nice things that I want in exchange for those constraints. It's kind of like the trust that is required for that has been eroded.

5. If you stopped asking "how can I be most useful?" and asked "what would I do just for me?", what would actually fill your days?

I think I would want to just play beach volleyball and Factorio every day for weeks, spend lots of time socialising and playing various board games, building different games, running D&D, building little SaaS apps, writing articles.

Honestly all of that sounds really great. I think at some point I'd want to come back to doing something like research because it calls to me, but that kind of profound relaxation sounds really great.

6. Where in your life are you avoiding structure and accountability in a way that is hindering your growth?

I think probably in getting feedback on my ideas themselves. And also in having someone push me to really think harder about what is worth doing.

I also feel a lot of fear about joining an org in case I end up in a structure that I don't like, as the last place that I worked I ended up consulting at a telecoms provider, working on stuff I didn't care about at all and nothing really came out of all that effort for me in a meaningful sense.

I think that's led me to avoid embracing working at some places that would probably still be good for me.

7. What kind of feedback do you want but aren't getting?

I want someone to tell me to have higher standards around questions, and to challenge me to think more deeply about things. I want to have a suggestion and have the laziness in the question be pointed out and ironed out again and again until I arrive at really valuable and useful directions to pursue.

8. Why are you doing what you're doing?

I want to be at the centre of things, I want to know what's going on at this critical moment in history, and I want to try and contribute to it going well so that I don't feel like everything I do is pointless.

I think the best way to do this is to try and be in the best teams that I can be, and really be getting as much feedback as I can from people that I really trust. It's easy to encounter people who have no idea what they're talking about and to be misled badly into unhelpful regions.